Have you ever loved someone and felt so good about loving that person, then one day, at one moment, thought to yourself, "I don't think I'm good enough for him/her... What does he/she see in me.?"
I have... Twice...
I look at my life sometimes and the people I let in it as well as let me in theirs and it's like, "Wow... Now that person is going places..." and then I reflect on myself and it's like, "I ain't worth shit...". I guess when you grow up hearing it all the time, it starts to seep within you and in my situation right now, where I'm at, compared to where I should be, it kind of seems true.
I almost broke up with my boyfriend(constantly pushing him away) quite a few times because of this feeling before accepting the fact that he accepted me for me... Even did some things I'm not proud that I did because of my feelings... I look at my arm and see the scars of it every day and remember being near death. Now I seem to be doing it all over again with my girlfriend...
My boyfriend was telling me some things about her and I was smiling and laughing at first about like, "Ahh, that's my bae.! Super smart and super dedicated no matter how much sleep she got... She's going to be something major...". Then those feelings I talked about before started to seep through...
I just wonder sometimes, "Why is she with me.? What makes her put up with me.? What makes her love me.? What makes her want to be with me.?" because I don't think I'd be with myself... I'd want to be someone who I could see something in.
No comments:
Post a Comment